When It Was a Game
(An Op Ed piece on sportsmanship in youth sports.)
by Darrell J. Burnett, Ph.D.
A community youth sports officials association asked me to talk at one of their
meetings. I presumed they were looking for a motivational speaker to remind them
of how worthwhile their efforts are in helping the youth of today. You can
imagine my surprise when they told me they were looking for some practical
skills in conflict management! They had been experiencing threats and abuse from
players, coaches, and parents. One female official was followed to her car by a
mob of angry players and parents after a 1-0 game involving a
"questionable" call. The kids were 9 years old!
During the past year, Sports Illustrated magazine ran a feature article on
"Parents Out of Control" in youth sports. Readers Digest ran a
condensed version of the same article. HBO and Fox Sports Net TV aired one-hour
specials on unruly behaviors in sports, including youth sports. Nightly news
showed parents pushing, yelling, and hitting each other at youth sports games.
What is going on in youth sports?
A documentary by Ken Burns on the history of professional baseball a few years
back was entitled, When it was a Game, contrasting the "good old days"
with the "strictly business" atmosphere of today.
Unfortunately, a documentary on the history of youth sports could have the same
title. In many cases, it seems, youth sports are no longer a game. Kids don't
seem to have time for "pickup" games because their week is filled with
adult-run organized practices and games. Recreational leagues continue, but
"club" and "travel" teams are sprouting up, with the lure of
potential scholarships and possible professional careers. Most observers would
agree that the expectations are unrealistic. However, in the eyes of these young
athletes and their parents, a "scout " may be watching, and the
performance and/or outcome of any given youth sports game may be a deciding
factor on whether a kid gets a Division I scholarship. You can imagine the
pressure.
In my opinion, the decline in sportsmanship in youth sports is often due to
attitude. That is, if kids see a game as a game, with an opportunity to learn
skills, compete, increase confidence, and have fun, they're able to go with the
flow, have fun, and relax. Overall, they can maintain a sense of humor and a
good sense of sportsmanship. They're able to handle the disappointment of
losing, and they can learn from their mistakes. However, if they see the game as
a pressure-filled event, where they have to perform flawlessly, and where
winning is the only acceptable outcome, most of their energies will be spent
trying not to make mistakes, and trying not to lose. If they make mistakes, and
especially if they lose, most of their energy will be spent making excuses, and
blaming others, including the officials.
Too often, in today's youth sports, the emphasis is no longer on process
(developing skills through competition, with others and with yourself), but on
the end product (win-loss record, points scored, etc.). Youth sports are run by
adults. Adults tend to focus on the end product. When an adult arrives at game's
end, as the kids come off the field or court, what are the first words out of
his/her mouth? It's usually "Who won?" or "Did you score any
points (get any hits, etc.)?" The kids, meanwhile, are mainly into process,
talking about whose mom brings the biggest candy bars for snacks! If, as adults,
we teach our kids to focus on the end product (winning, scoring, scholarships)
rather than process (skill improvement, having fun), mistakes or losses are not
seen as opportunities to learn, but as occasions of failure, to be avoided at
all cost. If kids think only in terms of end product, the pressure is on. It's
not hard to see why they, and their parents, react so emotionally on any given
day at any given game.
In my opinion, unless parents and adults can return youth sports to the days
"when it was a game", we shouldn't be surprised at the decline of
sportsmanship and the heightened level of emotional reaction.
Is there a solution? I think it starts with education. In this complex world of
youth sports, I think parents need, and are looking for guidelines. That's why I
am encouraged by the efforts of the University of Rhode Island's Institute for
International Sport. It has long focused on Sportsmanship with a National
Sportsmanship Day, and is now offering an on-line center for sports parenting,
offering parents information and an opportunity to ask "parenting"
questions in connection with youth sports. In addition, I am encouraged by the
growing trend across the country of mandatory parent sportsmanship classes held
as a requirement for registering kids to play in a youth sports league. Finally,
I am encouraged by major corporations who are sponsoring sportsmanship efforts.
For example, last year the Gatorade Company put together the Playbook for Kids:
A Parent's Guide to Help Kids Get the Most Out of Sports. With an introduction
by Cal Ripken, Jr., this 14-page booklet contains practical advice from various
professionals on nutrition, injury prevention, what to look for in a coach, etc.
It also offers parenting tips, from professionals and parents, on motivation and
sideline behaviors that will help keep youth sports positive and fun for kids.
500,000 booklets were distributed to youth programs around the country, at no
cost.
These efforts are by no means a cure-all, but perhaps they signal a change for
the better, a voice of reason and calm, a voice reminding us that, after all,
when it comes to youth sports, for the vast majority of the 30 million kids who
play, it's just a game.
But I don't think education alone will solve the problem. I think there need to
be consequences for parental misconduct, including removal from the premises,
and/or removal from the league. I think each league should have a specific list
of behaviors that are considered misconduct, and a specific list of the
consequences for those behaviors, with a signed parental agreement to abide by
the youth league's code of behavior. This will send a message to the parents
about the importance of sportsmanship, and it will send a message to the kids:
when it comes to youth league sports, the spotlight should be on the kids, not
the parents.
(Darrell J. Burnett, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and a certified sports
psychologist specializing in youth sports. He has been in private practice for
20+ years in southern California. Rhode Island's Institute for International
Sport named him a National Sports Ethics Fellow. As a member of the National
Speakers Association, he is popular on the lecture circuit. He has been the
keynote speaker at several Youth Sports Conferences, speaking on "The Power
of Fun!" He has several publications, including It's Just a Game! (Youth,
Sports and Self Esteem: A Guide for Parents), available at
iUniverse.com, Amazon.com, and bookstores. (Website: www.djburnett.com)
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