By Doris Burke

I've always wanted to write the book, Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Little League. It sounds trite, but in many ways it is true. So true in fact, that I find myself saying things to my children that coaches said to me when I was their age. Moreover, lessons I learned playing youth softball and youth basketball help me in virtually everything I do - from raising my children to my professional life as a television broadcaster. I can still hear those voices teaching, challenging and molding.

I learned how important practice was. I learned how important a team was. I learned what competition means. I certainly learned that schoolwork and responsibilities at home were more important than playing ball. And I learned about winning and losing. As much as I value the lessons of preparation breeding success, I greatly value the meaning of winning and losing. It is something I used throughout my athletic career, in my academic life, as a wife, a mother, as a professional in the television sports business and, lately, as an investor.

'Keeping score' helped me learn to be gracious and humble in victory and (hopefully) understanding and classy in defeat. I can still remember having to 'pick myself up by the bootstraps' after a loss and having to 'keep focused and working hard' after a win. I learned to never get too high after winning and never too low after losing. I learned that the sun does, indeed, come up tomorrow.

Which is why I was so surprised to watch my daughter 'compete' in an eight-and-under softball league in Ellicott City, MD. They didn't keep score in the game. Some two years later, I'm still wondering what the balance is between allowing the girls an enjoyable experience and teaching them about winning and losing.

I like that the league uses a pitching machine (no walks, no overpowering better-developed pitcher dominating play). I like that the girls get four strikes (just enough to help most batters get used to the speed of the pitching machine). I like that the third base coach holds the runner even when she could score more often than not. I even like the five-run rule that stops an inning after a team scores its fifth run. But I don't understand why they don't keep score.

Now I'm sure that is politically incorrect to say and there have been countless studies by countless folks who have countless hours of expertise in this sort of thing saying that this is the way to go. I respectfully disagree. I believe the girls would learn everything they learn now but have the added bonus of learning about and experiencing winning and losing. I want my daughter, especially my daughter, learning that the world uses winning and losing as a measuring stick. Clearly, I want her to have the self-esteem to accept losing and the grace to handle winning. But, I want her to know too that there are rewards for winning and consequences to losing. And, at the youth sports level, these lessons can be learned without the 'winning at all costs' attitude that she'll face later in life. I want her to know the purer sense of winning than she'll see as she grows up. Hopefully, the purer sense will have a greater hold on her than any other kind.

Everyone uses her own background as the blueprint for the future. Every parent wants to give her children all the good things they enjoyed growing up while shielding them from the things they didn't enjoy. I want my kids to feel the exhilaration of winning. I want them to be rewarded for their preparation. They get that lesson with their schoolwork now. I want them to get the same feedback from sports.

I also want them to taste the bitterness of losing. Only in the devastation of losing can they appreciate the wonder of winning. And I want them to learn to bounce back from losing and disappointment. I want them to try what they believe to be their best and still face defeat. I want them to learn to dig deeper. I want them to learn that only when the team gives it all and works together can it achieve. And I don't think they can learn all those things without keeping score. And, for the record, please accept that both teams already know who won and who lost the game even if the rules say you don't keep score. My daughter and her friends talk about it the second the game is over. The guise of not keeping score for an eight-year old is about as transparent as the myth of the Easter Bunny to a teenager.

So, think about how many instances your child faces 'keeping score' already. And think how wonderful it would be to share an ice cream after a win or that proverbial lifesaver after a loss. Use the winning and losing at a young age as opportunity to teach your children how to understand and handle both. Like certain other family matters, I believe they are lessons to be learned within the family context and with parental involvement. Ask yourself if you'll have that involvement, and the ability to influence, later in life.

There aren't a lot of businesses and professions that don't 'keep score' in one form or another. So let's allow our kids the opportunity to keep score during their youth sports. My guess is that they'll handle the winning and losing just fine and, hopefully, you'll be a part of their wonderfully innocent view of both. And, hopefully, you'll be there to guide them in how they handle both.